Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Circle of Life.....

I am starting this post on Thursday, February 2, 2012 at 10:30am.....a day that I should be (and probably will be) filling with last minute to-do items in preparation for the big day tomorrow.  I woke up early this morning....normal for me lately....and came downstairs where I ate breakfast and eventually fell back asleep.  My dad called while I was napping on the couch and when I got his voicemail, my heart broke into hundreds of little pieces.  The inevitable was happening and there was nothing I could do about it, nor could I change the sheer joy that I hope to experience on Friday.  But my Granddaddy, who was in the hospital but is now at his oldest son's house, is in his final stages of life.  Hospice is coming this morning to administer morphine as much as he needs to keep him peaceful.  He isn't aware of the people around him.  He was in a lot of pain but appears to be at peace now.  There is no telling how long he'll stay in this state but knowing him, it won't be long.  He isn't the type of man that would want to hang on in this state.

I am crying while writing this because I am sad for US.....I don't want to lose him.  I selfishly wanted him to hang on and meet our son in the coming weeks and get pictures to have forever.  He has seven children, 14 grandchildren, 15 great grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren on the way.  One of which will be here tomorrow.  He has quite a legacy and I know that the highest honor I could serve him would be to have a child.  But I don't want to share in these strange mixture of emotions.  I want to feel the happiness for ourselves and when the time is right, I want to grieve for my Granddaddy.  But it feels like I might have to share those two spectrums.  We'll see.

Now, it is 6:25pm and we have just returned from our Pre-Op appointment at the hospital.  Literally, as I was checking in for the appointment at 2:50pm, my dad called to tell me that Granddaddy passed away about fifteen minutes before that.  I was kind of a mess in the doctors office/hospital and my nurse decided not to take my blood pressure.  She just checked the baby's heart beat and said it sounded great!  SO, as I expected, Granddaddy went peacefully and without pain.  I know some of his kids were with him.  I know that he is in a much better place and is finally reunited with Grandma.  I also realize that this was the only way he'd be able to see and share in the joy we will experience tomorrow.  He'll be looking down and quite proud of what he helped create many years ago.  God works in strange and amazing ways and it is as though he was making room for another equally amazing human to walk the earth.  My dad and his siblings seem to be doing okay.  I hope I can be there for any type of memorial/funeral that we have, but of course I will do what I can with the situation as it is.

Anyways, although my heart is heavy, David and I will have the experience of a lifetime tomorrow and I have to be prepared for that.  Granddaddy was an extremely brilliant, hard working, caring man who lived a long and full life.  I am proud to be his granddaughter and am proud to be adding to his family tomorrow.  Below are a collection of pictures that I have on my computer and a great way for me to remember how awesome my Granddaddy will always be.

Granddaddy's family

Granddaddy and his oldest son, Jimmy, who played for ECU and eventually for the Dodgers

At my wedding

They are so much alike

One of his favorite ways to pass the time

Me and Granddaddy walking down for Matt's wedding

Dad & Granddaddy at Matt's wedding
One prepared man....watching Cody play baseball at UNCW

At a UNCW baseball game watching Cody

He LOVED some babies!

Grandaddy and his kids

Granddaddy and all his boys

Four generations....

Getting ready to blow out candles on his Snoopy birthday cake....his last dog was named Snoopy

Granddaddy and his sister and her husband at his bday party

Granddaddy's 90th birthday party in May 2011
Thanksgiving 2011.....he was in the hospital but made it to Ann's for lunch

This was Christmas this year....the last time I saw him.  He looked great!


Emily G. said...

Tears rolling down my face.....

So sorry for your family's loss....

But at the same time, so excited for your family's GAIN tomorrow morning.

Can't even imagine the mixture of emotions you're feeling.

Will be praying for you. Love you Momma!!

Skylar Apple said...

Oh so sorry, Becca. Will be praying for you and your family.